A Lesser Evil

Another bloody Sunday silence
Punctuated by sporadic rainfall
The pictures living on my TV screen
Remind me of someone I used to know

So I found a girl who looked like you
I dressed her in your clothes
But somehow she doesn’t make love
Anything like you used to do

The final rusty nail forced through
Splintering arms of tolerance
The final straw that broke my back
My cross to bear and burn
And though this sorry life goes on
For the pathetic souls who don’t complain
Oustide your cage
I’m standing caged within myself

My love you’re thinner now
You can’t be eating properly
Your will is dimming now
Your eyes are fading

Skin and bones and bedding
Newspapers and gasoline
I fed the flame
The flame clensed

The final rusty nail forced through
Splintering arms of tolerance
The final straw that broke my back
My cross to bear and burn
And though this sorry life goes on
For the pathetic souls who don’t complain
I'll just keep staring at the past
Until my eyes start burning

Defeated by the Rain (Boxroom)

In the corner of a box placed in the corner of a boxroom
She’s selling pathos and lethargy
He stands in the doorway blocking the light from beyond
He's selling faith full of ignorance
His presence is so thick it's hard to discard
So she stares facing him fearful
He exudes malevolence in the way only a lover can hate
Stone cold granite heart

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around

He won't move from the doorway, won't let the light in on her
So she lives in his shadow
She pretends she's happy there but can't disguise somethign's wrong
Can't break his hold
She built a church inside her mind where she prays to him sometimes
And she is ignored
Forgiveness isn't what he sells, least not to worthless pleading shells
The cost is too high

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around

I can’t give up, you need too much
I can't let go, you need to hurt
I cannot go, it's punishment
For what I did, for what I know
I blame myself but I'm not to blame
It makes no sense but I need the shame
I need to pay, I gave it all
There’s nothing left to pay with
Except...

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around
Defeated by the shame but that's the last gift that I have for you
Won’t get fooled again, don’t ever think I’d die for free

Smile Upon Her

Descend the winding stairs into the new room below
Disturb the dust with echoing footsteps
Is this not the same as the place we were before?
Perhaps a little less light escapes

How many more will I touch this way?
I ask without expecting an answer
Raise my offering to the sky, to the god of sleep and lullaby
We all have our icons to burn

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her

When what should stay behind closed doors spills to the waiting press
We chose sides and stand as judges and jury
If you sugarcoat your biased view and skirt around a few taboos
The kids won’t even think to complain

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her

There’s nothing more to do
Except to sit and wait
With all my friends and rejections
There’s nothing more to say
That’s not been said before
Feelings are beyond my invention

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her
I guess I’ll smile upon her

Starlingfall

Starlings fly in strict formation
Over the steel trees that served us well
Feral now, how they adapted
When the world below them fell

These tarmac roads I travel alone
Are strewn with glass and paved with blood
Conditioned now to accept the fatal
Pity we’re not made of stronger stuff

Some things in my life they cling and stain, oh-a-oh
My childhood nightmares stay close at hand, yeah yeah yeah
I feel I’m falling, falling down, down towards the ground
Please let me wake before I land

Self abuse triggered these dreams
Wounds I lay open they swallow me in
Remember the womb… helpless but safe?
Must we rely… on others to win?
Why must we rely…. on anyone else at all?

Some things in my life they cling and stain, oh-a-oh
My childhood nightmares stay close at hand, yeah yeah yeah
I feel I’m falling, falling down, down towards the ground
Please let me wake before I land

Snatches of dreams
I’m past it all
Falling down through
A crack in the wall
Haunted by sight
I’m blind in my fear
Trapped in its spin
Too low to hear

Starlings fly in strict formation
Over the ruins our fathers built
Stricken and twisted they blight the landscape
But starlings know not of our guilt

The Cancer That Is Fear

The group around me laughed as the tears welled up and fell
Like some bullied little girl with no womb, frills or lace
She scratches with her nails but the male pride holds her down
Convinced this world should never have to see her face

Poetic and romantic, the fantasies she holds precious
Come true for her sometimes but rarely do they last for long
Vulnerable and fragile, beautiful and strange
Caught the eges of your sight but then was gone again

Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
And now I’m becoming a failure in my own

She peered round the barriers and showed herself to my best friend
Faltering uneasy steps, blushing and shy
Still hidden in the shadows, she raised her voice to softly sing
Sometimes she fleetingly is heard and then she’s gone

Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
And now I’ve become a failure in my own

She indeed is part of me, part of my love and mind
She’s free now but she dare not laugh, she’s so unsure of what’s to come
Waiting cautiously she hides resigned to the uncertainty
She could die unloved, unknown, or then again she could run free

I wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
Wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
Wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
But I’ll settle for fulfilling my own

My Strange One

Barefoot, red haired, in subtle shading I’ve painted dream
My canvass was a sigh, my palette: memories
But no artist I, I cannot render true
The image in my mind’s eye, my beloved muse

Dusted keepsakes from stolen childhood, her gift to me
Icons from a past I couldn’t intervene
Scant comfort were my arms the nights when tremors reigned
Motes of hope in a world where nothing’s free

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me the moon
My strange one

Girl with the light in her eyes – shine
Gave me your dream to hold until I die
Sunset smiled upon dogged miles we walked entwined
Two dreamers on a road forged from brambled time

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me the stars
My strange one
Oh my strange one
Oh my strange one
Oh my strange one
Yay yeah yeah

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me a soul
My strange one
Sex sells, sex sells
Follow you to the grave
My strange one

Stigmata

Come closer
You're safe here now, friend
In the tiny room in my tiny mind
Your bruises tug and mend

Can't control
This feedback in my head
It makes me feel like Jesus
It makes me feel a man

I'm kissing the lovers as they attempt to tempt with
putrid pubescent fumblings that make me
Sicken and retch with every smug wimper
Blood seems to seep through every pore

Can you tell?
Feel my presence?
Can you feel my warm breath spreading down your back?

Blackened
Maligned, misunderstood
Pick the scabs to feel alive
Wouldn't heal if I could

I'm kissing the lovers as they attempt to tempt with
putrid pubescent fumblings that make me
Sicken and retch with every smug wimper
Blood seems to seep through every pore

Can you tell?
Feel my presence?
Can you feel my warm breath spreading down your back?

Sometimes I think I'm Jesus
Sometimes I think I'm fake
Sometimes I think I'm Jesus
Sometimes I think

Meek

I can't even belong to you
I can't relate to anyone
Your friends are so much better than me
You're all such beautiful beings
I 'm just nothing compared to you

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

I write my wishes on the walls
In red and yellow crayon
No one bothers to read
No one bothers to see

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

All I brought into your life
Has now become commonplace
All I brought new to you
Has faded into commonplace

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

I've been called out in class
To later write a hundred times upon the board
In letters three feet tall
Dear Teacher I'll never have any worth at all
Dear Teacher I'll never be any use at all
Dear Teacher I'll never be as good as you

For You To Roam

I’ve been waiting for you to roam
Thought by now you’d be for leaving that home
Trampled under once his seed was sown
Esteem battered now your dreams have all flown
Shutter the windows and gutter the flame
Rescue lies beyond the stumbles and shame

Long I gazed into your blackening eyes
Long I’ve loved you wearing friendship’s disguise
Kept my distance, stayed my hand through the rage
Pushed affection through his jealousy’s cage
I don’t remember when all this began
Time tends to slip through trembling hands

Take a breath of freedom, shackles will fall
Leave the past behind the crumbling wall
Pay no heed to what the naysayers call
There's no truth to find in negative drawl
The silver lilt of siren-song will lead you away
Been singing since I met you, now the harmony stays

Remember, Remember My Winterling

The journey here wasn't easy,
but it was easier than some
And whilst you may not be around much now
I hope you're proud of the man I've become

We laid in shadows as the trains passed
I held you warm against the dew
And though we parted years ago
My mind oft meanders back to you

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes

If I fell upon my sword now
Would a bell chime? Would you light a candle?
Would you dare to let a tear fall?
Would your shoulders sag? Would you wonder "what if?"

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes

We lowered our heads and muttered conspiracies
We said we'd live as king and queen
Entrenched with the tribes of Thatcher's forgotten
Squatting in some condemned palace unseen

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes
But we were the richer for we had each other
As faithful companions and tentative lovers
But my winterling
Has flown On silver wings

Ugly Duckling

Mother's unwanted hatchling
Such a foul ugly duckling
Curdled the milk
From the breast you were suckling
Spent the night on the street
Whenever you pissed your sheets
By age nine the cobbles
Felt more like home

The fog's gentle fingers lighter than gossamer
Settle you down to some semblance of sleep
With a dirty rapscallion as a willing companion
While her mother pleased sailors
With her threepenny smile

Oh What did you see On the cusp of a dream?
What did you wake when your nails cut in deep?

Oh What did you see through your narcotic dream?
What did you take when your blade cut in deep?

Oh What did you feel through your necrotic dream?
What soul did you take when the spite cut in deep?

Tonight they'll be sorry
For you will rise, changed
They'll flee the reprisals
The rage of the newborn red dragon
That we once saw as pitiful, piss-soaked and weak

Mother's unwanted hatchling
Such a foul ugly duckling
Curdled the milk
From the breast you were suckling

Nomad Ten

Chrome islands, neon seas
You turned your back, you didn't see
Shifting sands, glacial flow
You haven't been, you wouldn't know
Polar winds, Northern lights
I missed your warmth those frigid nights
Midnight sun, barren wastes
I curse your absense and my haste

Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine

Blackend sand and splintered keel
Molten glass and spinner's wheel
Icons hewn by bone and zeal
The fall of stone, the rise of steel
The broadsheets sing the victor's praise
As memory rots and truth decays
Hands are dealt and gambits played
And now we stride where once we strayed

Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine
Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine

Full Circle

Everything has come full circle - Oroborus smiled
Hope springs eternal, yet Aphrodite sighed

And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me
And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me

A daisychain, a daisychain in return for a blushing kiss
From the boy that punched your arm and then ran away
In that spring of innocence
In the year of nineteen seventysomething
Wet from dew and jeweled, we traded bruises and affection
I was that boy, you were that girl forgotten as the years unfurled

The dandylion clocks marked out the seconds til some seeming endless summer tired
And then the winds grew chill and the leaves ablaze from treetops fell

Winter mornings smelled of frost, horse chestnut and gunpowder from dud fireworks
and burned rubber from the factory across the dreary dying river with its single forlorn swan

Yeah I was the boy that cried
And you were the girl that didn't care that I cried
And I was the boy who didn't see you cried inside

I have to reflect sometimes
To remind me who I'm not
Yeah I have to reflect sometimes
To remind me I'm not you
To remind me I'm not you


Everything has come full circle - Oroborus smiled
Hope springs eternal yet Aphrodite sighed

And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me
And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me