Confessions of a Willing Canvas

Coming Up For Air

2011-04-06T09:41:00.011+10:00

After three years the pills have dried up
And the feelings I've missed have come flooding back
After three years of numb, the unexploded bomb
Started ticking to zero, and detonated inside

I'm coming up for air, I'm surfacing
And everything's coming into focus

And now I'm left picking up the pieces
Rearranging them into some semblance of order
I'm lucky to have you looking over my shoulder
Telling me where they might fit

I'm coming up for air, I'm surfacing
And everything's coming together

And now I see that I'm entirely comprised
Of promises and dreams I've been struggling to realise
A bubble of potential, a suggestion of my true self
A whisper of poetry that anxiety stifled

   Night is a dark and familiar friend
   And sleep a longtime companion
   But neither can speed me through this
   Reinvention of my reinvented self

I'm coming up for air, I'm surfacing
And I'm no longer peering through the murk

It's all becoming clearer (Bomb ticking to zero)
It's all becoming clearer (Detonated inside)

It's all becoming clearer (I'm coming up for air)
It's all becoming clearer (I'm surfacing)

Ok now, ok now, ok now, now breathe
Ok now, ok now
Ok now
Now
Breathe

Full Circle part 2

2009-03-02T11:54:00.002+10:00

Everything has come full circle

Oroborus smiled

Hope springs eternal

When Aphrodite shines

I swear it ends here and now with me

Here, now, with me

The cycle ends here and now with me

Here, now with me

Goodnight my little one

Safe in your daddy's arms

Goodnight, sleep tight

Goodnight my little one

Sleep in your daddy's arms

Tonight, tonight

I'll be your light in the darkness

Chase the shadows away

Goodnight, sweet dreams my Emily

I'm glad that this time you stayed

Goodnight my little one

Perfect in your daddy's eyes

Goodnight, sleep tight

Goodnight my little one

I will watch over you

But softly

A Lesser Evil

2009-02-08T22:45:00.000+10:00

Another bloody Sunday silence
Punctuated by sporadic rainfall
The pictures living on my TV screen
Remind me of someone I used to know

So I found a girl who looked like you
I dressed her in your clothes
But somehow she doesn’t make love
Anything like you used to do

The final rusty nail forced through
Splintering arms of tolerance
The final straw that broke my back
My cross to bear and burn
And though this sorry life goes on
For the pathetic souls who don’t complain
Oustide your cage
I’m standing caged within myself

My love you’re thinner now
You can’t be eating properly
Your will is dimming now
Your eyes are fading

Skin and bones and bedding
Newspapers and gasoline
I fed the flame
The flame clensed

The final rusty nail forced through
Splintering arms of tolerance
The final straw that broke my back
My cross to bear and burn
And though this sorry life goes on
For the pathetic souls who don’t complain
I'll just keep staring at the past
Until my eyes start burning

Defeated by the Rain (Boxroom)

2009-02-08T22:28:00.002+10:00

In the corner of a box placed in the corner of a boxroom
She’s selling pathos and lethargy
He stands in the doorway blocking the light from beyond
He's selling faith full of ignorance
His presence is so thick it's hard to discard
So she stares facing him fearful
He exudes malevolence in the way only a lover can hate
Stone cold granite heart

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around

He won't move from the doorway, won't let the light in on her
So she lives in his shadow
She pretends she's happy there but can't disguise somethign's wrong
Can't break his hold
She built a church inside her mind where she prays to him sometimes
And she is ignored
Forgiveness isn't what he sells, least not to worthless pleading shells
The cost is too high

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around

I can’t give up, you need too much
I can't let go, you need to hurt
I cannot go, it's punishment
For what I did, for what I know
I blame myself but I'm not to blame
It makes no sense but I need the shame
I need to pay, I gave it all
There’s nothing left to pay with
Except...

Defeated by the rain dry skin blistered from its fearful touch
Deflated by the reins wrapped tight around
Defeated by the shame but that's the last gift that I have for you
Won’t get fooled again, don’t ever think I’d die for free

Smile Upon Her

2009-02-08T22:24:00.001+10:00

Descend the winding stairs into the new room below
Disturb the dust with echoing footsteps
Is this not the same as the place we were before?
Perhaps a little less light escapes

How many more will I touch this way?
I ask without expecting an answer
Raise my offering to the sky, to the god of sleep and lullaby
We all have our icons to burn

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her

When what should stay behind closed doors spills to the waiting press
We chose sides and stand as judges and jury
If you sugarcoat your biased view and skirt around a few taboos
The kids won’t even think to complain

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her

There’s nothing more to do
Except to sit and wait
With all my friends and rejections
There’s nothing more to say
That’s not been said before
Feelings are beyond my invention

And I hope that someday someone
Will smile upon her just as I always will
Yeah I know that it’s all just a fleeting kiss away
Till then I’ll smile upon her
I guess I’ll smile upon her

Starlingfall

2009-02-08T22:22:00.001+10:00

Starlings fly in strict formation
Over the steel trees that served us well
Feral now, how they adapted
When the world below them fell

These tarmac roads I travel alone
Are strewn with glass and paved with blood
Conditioned now to accept the fatal
Pity we’re not made of stronger stuff

Some things in my life they cling and stain, oh-a-oh
My childhood nightmares stay close at hand, yeah yeah yeah
I feel I’m falling, falling down, down towards the ground
Please let me wake before I land

Self abuse triggered these dreams
Wounds I lay open they swallow me in
Remember the womb… helpless but safe?
Must we rely… on others to win?
Why must we rely…. on anyone else at all?

Some things in my life they cling and stain, oh-a-oh
My childhood nightmares stay close at hand, yeah yeah yeah
I feel I’m falling, falling down, down towards the ground
Please let me wake before I land

Snatches of dreams
I’m past it all
Falling down through
A crack in the wall
Haunted by sight
I’m blind in my fear
Trapped in its spin
Too low to hear

Starlings fly in strict formation
Over the ruins our fathers built
Stricken and twisted they blight the landscape
But starlings know not of our guilt

The Cancer That Is Fear

2009-02-08T22:05:00.000+10:00

The group around me laughed as the tears welled up and fell
Like some bullied little girl with no womb, frills or lace
She scratches with her nails but the male pride holds her down
Convinced this world should never have to see her face

Poetic and romantic, the fantasies she holds precious
Come true for her sometimes but rarely do they last for long
Vulnerable and fragile, beautiful and strange
Caught the eges of your sight but then was gone again

Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
And now I’m becoming a failure in my own

She peered round the barriers and showed herself to my best friend
Faltering uneasy steps, blushing and shy
Still hidden in the shadows, she raised her voice to softly sing
Sometimes she fleetingly is heard and then she’s gone

Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
Always been a failure in my father’s eyes
And now I’ve become a failure in my own

She indeed is part of me, part of my love and mind
She’s free now but she dare not laugh, she’s so unsure of what’s to come
Waiting cautiously she hides resigned to the uncertainty
She could die unloved, unknown, or then again she could run free

I wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
Wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
Wish I could fulfil my father’s dreams
But I’ll settle for fulfilling my own

My Strange One

2009-02-08T22:03:00.001+10:00

Barefoot, red haired, in subtle shading I’ve painted dream
My canvass was a sigh, my palette: memories
But no artist I, I cannot render true
The image in my mind’s eye, my beloved muse

Dusted keepsakes from stolen childhood, her gift to me
Icons from a past I couldn’t intervene
Scant comfort were my arms the nights when tremors reigned
Motes of hope in a world where nothing’s free

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me the moon
My strange one

Girl with the light in her eyes – shine
Gave me your dream to hold until I die
Sunset smiled upon dogged miles we walked entwined
Two dreamers on a road forged from brambled time

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me the stars
My strange one
Oh my strange one
Oh my strange one
Oh my strange one
Yay yeah yeah

Sex sells, sex sells
But you sold me a soul
My strange one
Sex sells, sex sells
Follow you to the grave
My strange one

Stigmata

2009-02-08T22:01:00.001+10:00

Come closer
You're safe here now, friend
In the tiny room in my tiny mind
Your bruises tug and mend

Can't control
This feedback in my head
It makes me feel like Jesus
It makes me feel a man

I'm kissing the lovers as they attempt to tempt with
putrid pubescent fumblings that make me
Sicken and retch with every smug wimper
Blood seems to seep through every pore

Can you tell?
Feel my presence?
Can you feel my warm breath spreading down your back?

Blackened
Maligned, misunderstood
Pick the scabs to feel alive
Wouldn't heal if I could

I'm kissing the lovers as they attempt to tempt with
putrid pubescent fumblings that make me
Sicken and retch with every smug wimper
Blood seems to seep through every pore

Can you tell?
Feel my presence?
Can you feel my warm breath spreading down your back?

Sometimes I think I'm Jesus
Sometimes I think I'm fake
Sometimes I think I'm Jesus
Sometimes I think

Meek

2009-02-08T21:58:00.001+10:00

I can't even belong to you
I can't relate to anyone
Your friends are so much better than me
You're all such beautiful beings
I 'm just nothing compared to you

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

I write my wishes on the walls
In red and yellow crayon
No one bothers to read
No one bothers to see

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

All I brought into your life
Has now become commonplace
All I brought new to you
Has faded into commonplace

I'm meek, I'm small
I'm meek, I'm small
I can't sleep unless I put myself down ten times
Oh I can't sleep unless I've put myself down

I've been called out in class
To later write a hundred times upon the board
In letters three feet tall
Dear Teacher I'll never have any worth at all
Dear Teacher I'll never be any use at all
Dear Teacher I'll never be as good as you

For You To Roam

2009-02-08T21:56:00.003+10:00

I’ve been waiting for you to roam
Thought by now you’d be for leaving that home
Trampled under once his seed was sown
Esteem battered now your dreams have all flown
Shutter the windows and gutter the flame
Rescue lies beyond the stumbles and shame

Long I gazed into your blackening eyes
Long I’ve loved you wearing friendship’s disguise
Kept my distance, stayed my hand through the rage
Pushed affection through his jealousy’s cage
I don’t remember when all this began
Time tends to slip through trembling hands

Take a breath of freedom, shackles will fall
Leave the past behind the crumbling wall
Pay no heed to what the naysayers call
There's no truth to find in negative drawl
The silver lilt of siren-song will lead you away
Been singing since I met you, now the harmony stays

Remember, Remember My Winterling

2009-02-08T21:52:00.001+10:00

The journey here wasn't easy,
but it was easier than some
And whilst you may not be around much now
I hope you're proud of the man I've become

We laid in shadows as the trains passed
I held you warm against the dew
And though we parted years ago
My mind oft meanders back to you

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes

If I fell upon my sword now
Would a bell chime? Would you light a candle?
Would you dare to let a tear fall?
Would your shoulders sag? Would you wonder "what if?"

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes

We lowered our heads and muttered conspiracies
We said we'd live as king and queen
Entrenched with the tribes of Thatcher's forgotten
Squatting in some condemned palace unseen

Remember, remember the cruel December?
Remember, remember the wind's banshee wail
That pierced our mansion of mouldering plaster
And bit at our bones though our maudlin clothes
But we were the richer for we had each other
As faithful companions and tentative lovers
But my winterling
Has flown On silver wings

Ugly Duckling

2009-02-08T21:50:00.002+10:00

Mother's unwanted hatchling
Such a foul ugly duckling
Curdled the milk
From the breast you were suckling
Spent the night on the street
Whenever you pissed your sheets
By age nine the cobbles
Felt more like home

The fog's gentle fingers lighter than gossamer
Settle you down to some semblance of sleep
With a dirty rapscallion as a willing companion
While her mother pleased sailors
With her threepenny smile

Oh What did you see On the cusp of a dream?
What did you wake when your nails cut in deep?

Oh What did you see through your narcotic dream?
What did you take when your blade cut in deep?

Oh What did you feel through your necrotic dream?
What soul did you take when the spite cut in deep?

Tonight they'll be sorry
For you will rise, changed
They'll flee the reprisals
The rage of the newborn red dragon
That we once saw as pitiful, piss-soaked and weak

Mother's unwanted hatchling
Such a foul ugly duckling
Curdled the milk
From the breast you were suckling

Nomad Ten

2009-02-08T21:44:00.002+10:00

Chrome islands, neon seas
You turned your back, you didn't see
Shifting sands, glacial flow
You haven't been, you wouldn't know
Polar winds, Northern lights
I missed your warmth those frigid nights
Midnight sun, barren wastes
I curse your absense and my haste

Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine

Blackend sand and splintered keel
Molten glass and spinner's wheel
Icons hewn by bone and zeal
The fall of stone, the rise of steel
The broadsheets sing the victor's praise
As memory rots and truth decays
Hands are dealt and gambits played
And now we stride where once we strayed

Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine
Anything but this
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
Any life but mine

Full Circle

2009-02-08T21:40:00.002+10:00

Everything has come full circle - Oroborus smiled
Hope springs eternal, yet Aphrodite sighed

And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me
And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me

A daisychain, a daisychain in return for a blushing kiss
From the boy that punched your arm and then ran away
In that spring of innocence
In the year of nineteen seventysomething
Wet from dew and jeweled, we traded bruises and affection
I was that boy, you were that girl forgotten as the years unfurled

The dandylion clocks marked out the seconds til some seeming endless summer tired
And then the winds grew chill and the leaves ablaze from treetops fell

Winter mornings smelled of frost, horse chestnut and gunpowder from dud fireworks
and burned rubber from the factory across the dreary dying river with its single forlorn swan

Yeah I was the boy that cried
And you were the girl that didn't care that I cried
And I was the boy who didn't see you cried inside

I have to reflect sometimes
To remind me who I'm not
Yeah I have to reflect sometimes
To remind me I'm not you
To remind me I'm not you

Everything has come full circle - Oroborus smiled
Hope springs eternal yet Aphrodite sighed

And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me
And I'll swear it ends, here and now with me
Here, now, with me

SullenInnerChild

2008-09-21T19:38:00.001+10:00

Taunt me with that frown of yours
Its similes and metaphors
Undressed me with a poet’s eyes
And watched me choke on my denial
You spoke to me in measured tones
Shifting muscle, skin and bones
A glance that echoed volumes
On a face that weathers storms

Before the courts of conscience, I stand alone accused
But the questions fall unanswered on the sunset of a bruise
When the voices in your head cease their chattering to scold
Your sullen inner child will pull the heads off all her dolls

Answering unspoken pleas
Touch on insecurities
Wake the spectre of the past
Its malice keeps you tethered fast
Stalked by its malignant prowl
Haunted by bestial howls
My futile urge to ground you
Earns me scant reprieve

Before the courts of conscience, I stand alone accused
But the questions fall unanswered on the sunset of a bruise
When the voices in your head cease their chattering to scold
Your sullen inner child will pull the heads off all her dolls

So you go
I can't follow
Deep inside
The guilt you shouldn’t feel

Flashback to a black caress
Suffered long under duress
Gagging on unwanted love
That came unbidden from above
Sinking deeper still within
A new voice born disturbs the din
You peer around bewildered
And you take the time to breathe

The Narrator

2008-09-21T19:28:00.002+10:00

Frames your eyes as they look into space
Can't see life beyond these mirrors
All of your friends they go and come
Always seeing something wrong
They hope you never end this way
They hope you never end this way

I see your heart beating raw
I see your face
I see your eyes veering off
and I hear your voice
Your laughter could fill the room
And your laughter once filled this room

There are no words to this scene
No supporting cast, no props, no curtain
The narrator's gone for a minute...
And the director's on the phone

The scenary is just bare bones
I hear no prompt from the wings
A spotlight shines in my face
But still I stumble on

Your voice seeps from my head
DO NOTHING
I hear you. I obey. You heckle and jeer.
Seems I'm wrong whatever I do
Your laughter fills the room
Your laughter fills the room

Feel just like a virgin on my first night
Feel just like a virgin
As your laughter fills the room
Your laughter fills the room

I hold your hopes high
I pull your ropes tight
As I take my final bow
I am alone

The Son

2008-09-21T19:26:00.002+10:00

Son I think it's time we spoke
Recently you've seemed remote
You've got it in you to be great
I've planned your progress to the grave
You're going to make your father proud
In a way I will allow
Your potential will be shown
Your success dictates my own

Swallowed pride sticks in craw
Learn to cope imperfectly
Learn to take life on the jaw
Son, you'll fit in perfectly

Don't you cry, don't you bawl
Or I'll give you something to cry for
Go through life with iron fists
A punch avoided's a victory missed
You're going to make your father proud
In a way I will allow
Your potential will be shown
Your success dictates my own

Swallowed pride sticks in craw
Learn to cope imperfectly
Learn to take life on the jaw
Son, you'll fit in perfectly
Know your place, keep in line
And you'll get on famously
Live your life just like mine
Welcome to my legacy

I Am Divine

2008-09-21T19:10:00.002+10:00

Veined and spidered photos of girl with tomorrow eyes
A niaive lyric written by a younger hand than mine
Let them sleep, let them sleep
It's past, move on
Put them back in the box
Marked "do not dwell upon"

Breathe the ghosts between the lies
Haunting embers

Waking hagged and laden down, air rushing to my lungs
White noise from the ceiling fan sounds like some foreign tongue
Let me sleep, let me dream
Without guilt, without shame
Seratonin reuptake inhibited again

Still the fire that brands and binds
Sears and twists me
Nightmare faces in the flames
They reach and beckon

The dark has a life of its own
It voice makes no sound yet it's spoken your name
Shakes the memories loose from myself
And replays them over and over again...
to an audience of one....
replays them over and over again.....and again......
and again, til the dawn

Hands raised to the sky to touch the two faces of god
Ankle-deep barefoot to ground me - stand where no other has trod

The absentees walk in glee
And talk of beliefs in murmurs
We once conspired to flee this shire
And start our flight
Under auroralight

Under fire from all sides
I will not change, I am divine
And though betrayed and compromised
I will not break, I am divine
Head in hands for old times
I know no shame, I am divine

So here I am, uncomfortably exposed
I'll hide my intentions behind innuendo
And an uneasy underused smile
I flash at you from behind my guile

Music's deep within my soul
It defines me
Take this melody and go
But sleep uneasy...

Confession of a Willing Canvas

2008-09-19T13:49:00.001+10:00

And if you cut me I do not bleed, I speak
Scratchy dry apologies for failings I can’t quite fathom
Even so I see your ire and I know
Somehow I’m the cause, I’m the reason

So take up this marker pen,
Permanent and black
And write of how I wronged you
A thousand times upon my back
Use expletives, symbols, anything
And then start upon my chest
I’ll wear it as a warning
And a lesson

And if you strike me I do not bruise, I sing
Faltering notes of a song I once heard
Forgive me for muddling the lines
It was years ago that I last knew the words

So take up this marker pen,
Permanent and black
And write of how you’ll fuck me
A thousand times upon my back
Use expletives, symbols, anything
And then start upon my chest
I’ll wear it as a blanket
And a prayer

If you mark me with your wishes and your words it will not sting
Layers upon layers of your guilt upon my skin
Let me be your manuscript, your canvass, your possession
I’ll wear it til it fades - my decoration, your confession

And then take up this marker pen,
Permanent and black
And scribble in chaos
Till you’ve covered my back
Use expletives, symbols, anything
And then start upon my chest
I’ll wear for love
And for comfort

Rubiksphere EP released!

2006-06-06T18:43:00.000+10:00

Well on Saturday we spent a tiring but productive 7 hours in the studio and recorded four songs: The Untouchable, The Son, Drug-Fucked Mona Lisa and Family Ties (Welcome to the Revolution). Came out acetastic too, we're all really happy. To celebrate, we've made the EP available for free on our mp3.com.au site, and will be getting a whole heap of proper CDs done up to hand out to people, send to radio stations etc etc :)

Big update time

2005-08-20T12:15:00.000+10:00

Yeah yeah, long time no post. Sorry to anyone who hangs on my every word (you really need to get out more ;) Really!)

So what's been going on to keep me from updating. Heaps, tho not all interesting I'm afraid.

Basically a month or so ago I was given notice that the people I rent this house from wanted to renovate. As such, I had to look for a new place to live, which is harder than it sounds when you've got a rough location in mind, two cats and a penchent for playing guitar at odd times of the day.

Anyway, just over a week ago I made a successful application to rent a place just down the road from where I work. It's also one street away from Mick and Nums, which is great all round - they'd be able to feed the mogs for me if I was away, so I'll be able to go on training interstate again (I've had to turn down some courses due to them being run in Sydney).

I'll be able to drive them to the shops etc, pick 'em up from the station when its pissing down with rain etc etc. I'd also be able to pick up the girls from daycare if Mick and Nums get stuck in the city for some reason (they both work in The Valley, and if Mick gets busted for soliciting on his street corner and nums has to bail him out again etc etc). The silly idjits have bought me an amazing microwave as a housewarming prezzie - it's fantastic... HUGE, and has a built in recipe book. In a tremendous show of restraint, I've left it packed until after I move - and I have NO idea how I've managed to do that (boys and gadgets, you know the score)

Of course, being geeks, we're already planning a wireless internet connection between our houses....

Work on the band's demo is still in progress - Phil's done some wonderful work on Emily, Cult of the One, No More Kings, Chrominence and Before You Fall. He's taking extra time to make sure he gets a 'sound' that suits us.

The band's still amidst auditions for bassists and drummers. Dane, who replaced Dave after the recording sessions vanished after about 4 weeks - we've been unable to contact him, so I hope he just lost his phone rather than something nasty happening. He's a real nice guy.

In the 'downtime' between auditions, we've been working on new songs. These are going tremendously well. So far we've worked on:

* Finding Emo (working title for one of Justin's songs)
* Prizefight (another one of Justin's)
* Outta My Mind (working title for one of Shane's songs)
* Betrayed (One of mine - Shane does a great Cello impression on his guitar)
* Can I Feel Your Heartbeat (Mine. Previously known as 'No Baby')
* Your Stolen Mind (Mine)
* Label Me Blameless (Mine - used to play it in Torn)
* The New Red (Mine. Previously known as Silverscream)
* Little England (Mine)

We've also worked on a cover of Duran Duran's Hungry Like the Wolf, and had a brief look at a couple more of my songs (Starlingfall and My Strange One). Shane and Justing both have other new songs in the works - one of Shanes is this really cool drop-D riff (similar in style to 'D' but somehow darker). I've got rough recordings of most of the new stuff but nothing we'd want to share at the moment (we're still nutting out structure, harmonies and in some cases lyrics)

Work's been pretty busy too - a couple of ago I put a new mail gateway server live, and also doubled the student email mailbox quota. Both were successful, and it ended up taking about 3 hours which isn't bad going. I was also nominated to be my section's person put forward for the AVCC Leadership Programme (AVCC being the Australian Vice Chancellor's Committee). I was very proud! Yesterday I received word that I'd been accepted! The Programme is run at Deakin uni in Victoria, about an hour from Melboune (apparently). Guess who's hoping he can meet up with the Mandi?

A couple of entries ago I think I mentioned that I'd gone for the team leader position in my group. Well I didn't get the job, which went to Mitch, who had recently left the team to work in the research computing dpt. I'm almost glad I didn't get it - Mitch has been a VERY busy man the last few weeks, and he's coping very well!

A few months ago, I did a stint as acting Snr Security Specialist (basically acting Manager of Computer Securiy), which I thouroughly enjoyed and was rather sad to have to hand the reigns back to Eddy when he came back from leave. Eddy has since resigned, and it'll be very sad to see him go - he's had a very positive effect around the place, and we get on well.

The position's been advertised, and I'm going to apply -- I've worked at the Uni since 1998 and never applied for any jobs, then this year I've applied for two (both at the uni, so don't panic Karl!) This is not due to lack of ambition (at least not since I got over San and I's split), but is testament to how much I love my job and enjoy being in the team I'm in.

The two jobs I've gone for have been closely related to my current work and basically 'next rung up the ladder' with (allegedly, Mitch would dispute this!) less hands-on technical work and more management type work. I'm not bored with my current work by any means, but I would like to have a bit more responsibility and impact on processes/policies (though I have to say, my boss is great at hearing our opinions and ideas and enabling his team members to run with their convictions - and unlike many other bosses, he's all for deferring credit to those responsible).

Last night, my boss had a BBQ at his house and I was invited, along with my guitar and PA. My boss got his drumkit out and a couple of other colleagues brought keyboards and guitars. We had a monster (nearly 5 hour) jam session, some good stuff, some bad stuff, but overall: fun. Included in the 'set' were Rainbow Connection, a punked up version of Leavin' on a Jet Plane (!) and, especially for Troy and his wife, the first verse of Black Sabbath's Paranoid. Cristy and Anna, the sisters who work in my group had goes at singing and drumming.. the most notable for me was the version of Alanis Morrissette's "You oughtta Know" - not all lyrics were remembered, but Cristy sang with complete conviction. I got home about 1am and am still rather sore from all the playing and equipment lugging... yet I'm also about to do more packing. Ug.

Oh, breaking news - I'm now addicted to Kitkat Peanut Butter bars. Thanks, Nestle, you'll be hearing from my tailors.

Finally, tonight I finally get to meet Lil Miss Squish, Extreme Ironer, owner of an impressive set of.. er.. thongs and all-round cutie. We're having a games night at Mick and Nums', and we'll be joined by IRCaddict and BiteYrBum. I'm currently looking out my hairties, nail polish, halo and marker pens so Team Freckle can be in full effect! Plan is Pizza and games of Pictionary and Baulderdash

Better go do some packing. The girls know something's happening - Willow's giving me that "Wachootalkinboutwillis?" look and tammy's sitting on the highest point possible (which is currently atop the microwave box)

NO SLEEP 'TILL........... GRAFTON!

2005-05-02T15:47:00.000+10:00

It's Monday afternoon. I'm knackered. Well and truely knackered. I'm sat at my PC contemplating a nap for a while, but I keep getting distracted by another song. I haven't had much sleep the last few days and I'm achey and my fingers are rather blistered and my throat rather sore yet I'm the happiest I've been for a fair number of years. Here's the rundown of my weekend.

Friday:
Get up at 5:30 to start work at 7am as there's some stuff to do to a system before people start using it at 8am. This all went fine. Finished work at 3pm, stopped off at the music shop to get some picks and other gubbins. Headed off to bed at 9.30pm because I had an early start the following morning. Despite being physically knackered, my head was overactive, so I watched a couple of episodes of Sherlock Holmes on DVD. Around midnight I tried to get to sleep but the cats were aware something was different and were extra-active.

Saturday:
Got up at 4:30am after about two hours total sleep. Moved all my gear into the hall, showered, then went out to the drive to wait for Shane and Justin. Justin arrives about 5.20am, Shane about 20 mins later. Load all three of us plus 2 amps, 7 guitars, 2 large boxes of effect pedals, cables etc and 3 people's bedding into Shane's car. Hit the road at around 6am.

About 7:30am we're driving past Byron singing "It's the End of the World as we Know It and I feel fine" (REM) at the top of our lungs, followed by "Stand" (REM) and "Lake of Fire" (Meatpuppets). Road Trip is well and truely underway. Sometime around 8am we were in Ballina and needed a pee break. What better place to stop than a Bee Pee servo? This servo had a collection of porno mags that would put Lemming's DVD collection to shame. We were definitely in New South Wales then. Back on the road, we had a small titter at the absurdity of The Big Prawn and cooed at an inquisitive wallaby. Ended up at Taf's in Grafton at around 10am.

11:30am Shane and I had set our amps up in the studio, Justin had befriended Taf's tribe of kitties and I'd discovered the miniDV cam I'd borrowed was complaining it had dirty heads despite cleaning them a couple of times. With a few re-takes, smoke breaks and a REALLY nice cheese and ham roll (thanks Taf!), that afternoon we recorded the main guitar and scratch vocal tracks of 9 songs (Emily, Drugfucked Mona Lisa, Before You Fall, Lights, Relapse, Cult of the One, D, Chrominance and two versions of No More Kings at different speeds). After a well accepted dinner of KFC, Phil and I headed back into the studio to record the basslines. Phil lent me one of his basses for this. It was a wonderful guitar to play, and had a great sound. Basslines took until around midnight. Justin had crashed hours before, whilst Shane had stayed up chatting to Taf and Alex (chookie tiramisu) and talking to Dave.

Dave had realised an hour from Brisbane that he'd left some kit behind and had turned tail to go and get it. Now on his way a second time, the combi of doom had decided it wanted to enjoy a theme park and broken down outside Movie World. Shane was all set to go and get him, when Dave called back to say that Simone, drummer girlfriend extraordinaire was driving him down and we'd see him Sunday morning.

Sunday:
About half midnight I crashed on the floor of Taf's computer room. Justin was snoring away in the living room and Shane was muttering to himself in his sleep in the doorway. I slept suprisingly well, getting up at 5:30 when the birds were fooled by the false dawn. Sat outside on the veranda watching the real dawn for a while, then had a smoke and a coffee with Justin and Shane when they woke up around 6. Went back to sleep until abut 8:30 when we sat out on the veranda with Phil, Taf, Alex and the cats for coffee and optional toast.

Sunday morning Justin did main vocals on the 9 songs we'd put down on Saturday. Dave and Simone arrived just as Justin was finishing off. For someone who'd had such a shitty time the day before, Daveo was doing well. He set up and put down drum tracks on 8 of the previous days songs. We discovered that Emily had a tricky bit where (playing along to a click track) we'd deviated from what we normally played with Dave, and so we had to re-do it, recording drums and guitars simultaneously. So we redid Emily, and while we were all setup, did Tear as well, bringing our song total up to 10. We did Tear differently to normal and it sounded great. Quite EMF really as Shane was wah-wahing away like a man posessed. That done, we loaded Dave and his kit in Simone's car and waved them on their merry way.

With main guitars, vocals and drums down, it was time for me to record my solos and a couple of guitar overdubs. I had suprisingly little trouble with the Lights solo for a change, did the solo for Drugfucked in 2 takes (1st take was ok, but had a couple of slightly late notes). I then did the bass on the new version of Emily and came up with a funkier bassline for Tear that fit its new style. Justin then came in and did vocals on the two new tracks while Shane and I woke up our vocal chords in preparation for doing backing/harmony vocals. I did a couple of tracks then handed the mic to Shane while I got my voice back to do my remaining tracks. Had reheated KFC for lunch. Yum. Made a mess though (cats didn't mind!). Finished off the backing vocals once Shane finished.

It had taken a while longer than we'd planned, but saying that, because Dave hadnt been able to make it on Saturday due to work, we'd recorded more tracks than we'd originally intended. As we loaded Shane's car up for the trip home, Phil recorded a very rough mix of each song onto a tape for us, and burned me CDs of the source material. We're both going to have a go at mixing it and compare notes. The trip home was fairly uneventful save a rousing rendition of Bye Bye Love (Everley Brothers) with 3 part harmony and discovering that Ballina's local radio station had a good mix of songs on at 1 in the morning. Oh, and that ruddy big prawn is illuminated at night, which caused me to choke in Iced Coffee in mirth. The servo at the big prawn is good though and Julie behind the counter's a hoot (she pointed at my "I am God" t-shirt and said "I have a son who tells me the same" before asking what on earth we'd been up to to be so tired and have a car so loaded up)

We got home safe and sound at some time this morning that I didn't really take note of. Despite being well and truely exhausted, I couldn't sleep so I watched an episode of Sherlock Holmes before passing out. Got up today about midday to do my washing, and couldn't resist having a go at mixing a couple of songs. So far I've looked at Before You Fall and Relapse, and it's very easy to get a mix that sounds good, so it shouldn't take too long to get this demo completly mixed and mastered.

Taf took a number of great pics of us over the weekend and sent them to me last night (they got here hours before we'd even started off home!). I'll put a couple of them up on this page soon.